


inhale

by sunnysidedown



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Ficlet Collection, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2018-08-29 04:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8474656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnysidedown/pseuds/sunnysidedown
Summary: Scenes from different POVs, short snippets, etc. Marked as complete but I'll add to it whenever I write something new.Chp 8: Domestic Fluff featuring Andrew and Neil.Chp 9: Scrapped time travel/immortality au idea.Chp 10: new year, new Neil





	1. riko

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes I write, but when I do it's not much. Here are some drabbles. I marked it as complete 'cause who knows if I'll ever add to this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last scene from Riko's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moved from tumblr

The buzzer sounded to signal the end of the game. Riko turned and the score… His face slackened. White noise drowned out the screams of fans and the pounding of his heart. He looked to the kneeling man before him.

_“I’d ask you how it feels, but I guess you’ve always known what it’s like to be second you piece of shit.”_

The voice rang clearly through the noise in his head. He felt his body move to strike. He felt unbearable physical pain. He felt the emptiness consume him as he put the two together. The white noise turned into ringing, like a large empty space, like the silence after a gunshot.

The next few moments came and went in a blur. He was on the court, he was in front of a medical trainer, he was at their locker room, he was at a hospital, he was in the East tower.

The world stopped and quieted when the elevator opened and the man came out. Riko vaguely noticed Ichirou take the gun. A watch ticked somewhere, an eternity between each tick.

Ichirou talked to Tetsuji. Their words heard, but the meaning lost in the silent ringing. Then Ichirou, his brother, was in front of him.

Riko’s eyes focused. He and Ichirou looked similar. Pictures from newspapers and websites were one thing, but up close, Ichirou had a longer face and eyes that were set a little deeper.

“Ichirou,” he choked out, his voice filled with every emotion of love and pride and hate and jealousy for his family, of determination and resolve to make something of himself, of the shame, disappointment, and anger in his losing team, his broken arm, and himself. The emptiness, the numbness filled and overflowed. His mouth opened again to scream, to cry, to do anything to relieve the pressure building up in his chest.

But.

He felt Ichirou’s cool hand on his face through the glove. It was soft, intimate. His throat closed up, the noise withered and rotted his vocal cords. Their eyes met for the first time. Riko closed his. The quick, cold press of the gun failed to comprehend and Riko Moriyama was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get me wrong, Riko is a piece of shit but that last scene with him? Nice B) Probs in the top 3 fave scenes from the book.


	2. heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew's heart does not beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> moved from tumblr

Andrew’s heart does not beat, well, metaphorically. Biologically it pumps blood through over one hundred thousand miles of arteries, veins, and capillaries. It assists in taking the oxygen from his lungs to awaiting cells and brings carbon dioxide back so it can be released into the air in a puff of cigarette smoke.

Metaphorically, before Andrew met Neil, his heart was already full to capacity. He had no room for the boy with haunted eyes and the suppressed nervous twitches. The four chambers of his heart were filled with Aaron and Nicky, Kevin, Besty, and Renee. They were locked in his heart’s walls and then frozen into place. The ice spread and froze the rest of his body. His time did not move, his heart did not beat.

It may have been standing in the airport surrounded by so many different people and waiting for Neil to arrive. It may have been the heat of the spring day and the sweat trickling down his back. It may have been Neil himself. When the crowd thinned and Andrew spotted the him clutching the strap of his small duffel and scanning the room like it was going to swallow him whole, something happened deep within Andrew. Neil looked up and met his eyes with a gaze full of fear and recklessness and bone deep exhaustion. Andrew’s fragile heart that was both too big and too small painfully thumped once and something inside of Andrew cracked. 

This, he thought, could be a problem.


	3. One Hundred.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cause of ninety-four to one hundred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I open one of the books to reference something I end up rereading the entire series.

"Am I at ninety-four yet?" He asked.

Neil was not at ninety-four. Ninety-four was the whispered words, “Thank you. You were amazing.” They echoed inside Andrew’s head over and over, like they were an offering, a prayer, a goodbye, like they were pushed out of his body with his dying breath. It was irritating and he was going to bring it up on the bus. He was going to spell it out nice and slow how Neil needed to stop living like he was dying and start living like the exy junkie he was.

Ninety-five was turning around and seeing nothing. Not nothing in the sense that Neil was nothing, but nothing in the sense of panic, of worry, of standing on the edge of the rooftop looking down thinking “Would it hurt if I fell?” The space where Neil should have been filled with emotions that Andrew swore he would never feel again.

Ninety-six was finding his bag. It wasn’t the bag that held his entire life, that was locked away in the Fox Tower, safe. It was the bag that held his future. A future he knew Neil wanted in the way he clutched the key he gave him back in August. A key that was left in the God forsaken bag with Neil nowhere in sight.

For ninety-seven, Kevin was there. The other foxes were there too but the words Kevin formed with his breath passing over his voice box and the movements of his tongue and jaw, were the only things that mattered. Kevin’s mouth moved, sound traveled in vibrations through the air, hit Andrew’s eardrums, and then his hands were around Kevin’s neck. There were lies and half-truths and Andrew hated those. Again not in the sense he hated Neil but in the sense that he hated the word ‘please’ and ‘misunderstanding’. He hated how he didn’t _hate_ Neil because of all the lies. And for that, ninety-seven.

Ninety-eight was the phone call that Neil had been found.

Ninety-nine was walking through the hotel door and seeing him crumple in agony. It was the hissed “Don’t” as he did his best sooth away the pain. It was the eyes that were Nathaniel’s with hints of Neil peeking out behind his irises. It was the look of a man staring helplessly as the executioner readied the guillotine. It was the words “I’m sorry” like he had something to be sorry for. It was his attitude that no matter how beat up he got, remained impeccably intact. And it was the question he still had the gall to ask: “Am I at ninety-four yet?”

“You are at one hundred.”


	4. he's dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Prompt from tumblr:** At the end of tfc book three when Neil walks into the locker room grinning just after seeing Riko murdered... How do the foxes react when they find out why he was smiling?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned into the foxes's reactions to Riko's death.

Andrew finds out on the way to the hotel. The adrenaline from the game and the win and the short questioning by the police finally dissipates and the bus is quiet except for a few murmurs for directions exchanged between Wymack and Abby. They are slumped in the back seat together, Andrew and Neil. The seats in front of them empty. Neil is still in a good mood and Andrew could feel it rolling off him in waves. Eye contact, a raised eyebrow, and Neil says, “Riko is dead.” And Andrew smiles for the second time since coming off the drugs.

* * *

Renee finds out when she gets a text message in the middle of the night. The small vibration and the light of her phone screen somehow doesn’t wake Allison. It is from Jean. He’s dead, is all it says and Renee knows instantly who. She shoots off a quick text in reply and sets her phone aside. The darkness presses in when the screen turns off. Renee is no longer someone who believes in murder and violence, but a small part of her that she tries her best to ignore is viciously pleased.

* * *

Kevin finds out next. Of course he does when the next day every exy related website is changed to black and red in honor of Riko’s passing. Kevin’s not dumb. He’s knows what really happened. And as he figures out the how and the when because the why is a no brainer, he remembers Neil’s smile that was a little too sharp around the edges, the easy way “Life” came out with a hint of breathlessness. It clicks and then the distraction of the mystery is gone and the grief hits like an exy ball to the chest with no padding on.

* * *

Allison finds out when she’s checking Facebook in the morning. Some girl from some social circle related to her parents posted a picture with Riko with some obnoxious caption on how he was gone too soon. Unfriend. Block. Allison doesn’t care. She goes on an unfriending spree as thoughts of Seth drift through her mind.

* * *

Nicky finds out in a similar way as Allison does. While Allison has Facebook, Nicky has Twitter. He follows the tag used for the Foxes upset, #TheKingHasFallen. The night before it was filled with taunts and jabs at both the Ravens and Foxes, but in the morning it is paired with a new hashtag. Increasingly mixed in with the exy results is #RIPRiko. It doesn’t take long for Nicky to google the news. “Holy shit,” quietly slips out of his mouth and because the news is too big and too extreme it bubbles up his throat and comes out again but louder. “ _Holy shit._ ” Aaron is still sleeping like the world didn’t just get turned on its head. Nicky launches a pillow at him and sends a text to the foxes’ group chat.

* * *

Aaron finds out when Nicky throws a pillow at him and besides grumbling and adding the pillow to his collection he doesn’t really care.

* * *

Dan and Matt find out at the same time. They are the first ones down for the continental breakfast the hotel provides. The news is on in the background talking about an upcoming storm. When Dan is making coffee and Matt is piling more eggs onto his plate, the news moves on to sports and like every good exy player, their attention is grabbed when news on Riko Moriyama comes on. The coffee overflows, the egg spoon drops, and that’s the moment Neil stumbles bleary-eyed out of the elevator. He takes one look at the screen with an action shot of Riko from last night’s game and the sides of his mouth twitch into a cold smile and then back into a neutral line of indifference. It is not missed by Dan or Matt. He nods a greeting, grabs two chocolate frosted donuts, and a carton of milk, and disappears back into the elevator.

“Did he just…?” Matt begins.

“Smile? Yeah.” Dan finishes a little bewildered. She picks up some napkins to mop up the coffee. She doesn’t really understand the complexities of the mess between Neil and the Moriyamas but the ease in which Neil moved across the room is similar to how he was after he came back to them from Boston. And that is enough for Dan.

Matt bends down to grab the spoon he dropped. He scans the area for a worker and puts on an apologetic smile when he hands over the dirty spoon. His eyes flint over to the elevator like the doors were going to open and Neil would come out again. They remain closed with the digital number above the door changing and finally stopping to the floor most of the foxes were on. A chill runs down Matt’s spine when he remembers the smile on Neil’s face. It’s so different from the happy upturn of lips that they sometimes startle out of him or even the fake “I’m fine” grins. The smile was something dark, sinister, vicious and weirdly enough it was also relieved. And that last emotion is what makes Matt shrug and move on to the bacon.

* * *

Wymack gets a call from the police around 3 am, just as he is finally settling down for the night. He holds in a sigh as his listens to the officer and starts the coffee machine provided in the hotel room. He thinks of the obligatory condolences card he would have to send that he knows none of his players (except maybe Renee) would sign.

* * *

Abby gets a text message from Wymack moments after he gets off the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol Abby got cheated in this.  
> Room assignments if anyone's curious:  
> Andrew & Neil  
> Matt & Kevin  
> Nicky & Aaron  
> Renee & Allison  
> Dan & Abby  
> Wymack


	5. composure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever get tired about writing about Andrew? No.

From an early age, Andrew has learned that nothing good ever came from emotions. Caring for someone was exhausting when in a few months’ time, maybe even a few weeks, he would be off to the next foster home. So Andrew stopped. He stopped caring for people who would only disappoint him. He stopped caring for himself when it was easier to forget the pain that way. He stopped caring for life itself when it proved that it was not going to get better. It was what made Andrew not only a good goalie, but a great one. He cut nanoseconds off his reaction time by skipping the shock and excitement when a ball is lobbed his way.

But then Neil Josten came along and Andrew was drawn to him like fly to a honey trap. His scattered thoughts jumped around but kept on landing on Neil Josten, dangerous. Neil Josten, the boy who didn’t add up. Neil Josten, where it didn’t matter if he swung or not, as long as he was close, as long as he was protected from the nightmares chasing him. That was enough.

Then Neil went to the nest. To protect _him_. _‘If it means losing you, then no.’_ Those words reverberated through his head on an endless loop. Andrew did not have friends. Not like that. Not someone who would willingly go through hell, no matter how pointless, just for him. The signals weren’t so clear anymore. When Neil asked that one question, Andrew decided he would finally spell it out loud and clear. _‘That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you.’_ And it finally got across to Neil.

Andrew watched as Neil recalculated the world like he was prone to do. He checked the exits out of habit and then he locked eyes with him and Andrew saw something that made his heart beat a little faster, his hands become a little sweaty, his face twitch minutely in a semblance of a real smile.

And then it was gone. Because hope wasn’t something he believed in. Hope was a construct of fools and of people who disliked words for their sound and connotation and not for their life experiences.

When Neil was standing in front of him asking what he was afraid of ‘heights’ came out, but another fear was there bubbling up from the depths. A fear that had blue eyes, auburn hair, and a reckless personality.

And when Neil was on the roof and Andrew leaned in and Neil wasn’t moving and their lips touched and Neil still was not moving to stop him, his heart felt like exploding. But like a tire with slow leak, it deflated and he pushed Neil away.

But Neil kept on coming back and back and back. Until he was gone. And Andrew realized that he was a fool. He made a mistake. He let someone in. He knew better. After Aaron. After Cass. After he was seven and please no longer meant being polite. His emotions were out of hand. He didn’t realize the control he had learned over the course of his life was gone, slipping away slowly until it hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rule of Three is strong in this piece.


	6. kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil's thoughts on kissing before and after meeting Andrew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warnings:  
> Child abuse (alluded to in second paragraph.)  
> Drugs (not drugs drugs, but a metaphor. Last sentence.)

Before Neil Josten met Andrew Minyard, his thoughts on kissing were simple: it was a waste of time.

A kiss to Neil was a harbinger of bad things even before he was fourteen and his mother caught him with that Canadian girl. When he didn’t stay still enough for his father’s guests, a kiss on the temple for appearance’s sake was the prelude to a date with his father’s knives. A sloppy kiss on the cheek before he and his mother ran separately into the night was the “goodbye” and “be safe” they weren’t foolish enough to voice. A kiss on the forehead through dirt, blood, and tears was the silent prayer to any god who would listen before scouring the area for anything that would stop the bleeding. 

In Millport, Neil would overhear his classmates talk about the hours spent kissing behind the bleachers during football games in the fall, basketball games in the winter, and exy games in the spring. Neil thought they could be doing other things with their time, like actually playing the sports, but an opinion like that was sure to draw too much attention. Exy was his life blood and stopping to kiss the girl who had been eyeing him for months or the boy who shyly lingered after practice wasn’t on the schedule.

After Neil Josten met Andrew Minyard and kissing became a possibility between them, his thoughts on kissing were a little different.

Kissing and Neil were things that were not associated together like Neil wasn’t associated with something like parasailing. Neil’s kissing days, in any context, were well behind him. The mere thought Neil and _Andrew_ kissing was inconceivable. It didn’t register that “ _That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you_ ” also meant “ _That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t kiss you_ ” until it happened.

When Andrew grabbed Neil’s face and leaned in, every alarm that had been going off in his head since he ran away with his mother, every worry, every voice telling him to pack up and run quieted under the sound of his beating heart. He never knew that the world could be so silent and that his head was such a mess of jumbled, panicked thoughts.

Neil finally understood. Instead of a waste of time there didn't seem to be enough time in the world. Neil was dying, but so was everyone else. The difference was that their days were measured in an abstract amount of time, while his were measured in months counted on one hand.

As the texts came and marked his days down one by one, Neil’s priorities rearranged. Running didn’t seem as important as spending every moment he could on the roof with Andrew. Each kiss was one more than he ever expected to get and he savored it like a suffocating man savored every little breath of air.

Kissing Andrew was a drug and one dose was enough to get addicted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with this :\ it was supposed to be longer but I couldn't figure out how to end it so I chopped it there. Also I've rewritten this like 3 times 'cause I can't get it to sound right... eh whatever.
> 
> This came about from a tumblr post on Neil's demisexuality.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading.


	7. hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: How Jean finds out Riko's dead? How does he react?

Jean couldn't pinpoint the exact moment he knew that Riko was dead. Not dead in the sense of being dead, but dead in the sense that he was not going to live much longer. It was somewhere between the final buzzer and Andrew's racket connecting with Riko’s arm right before the broadcast cut to commercial.

His new teammates sat around him chatting about the game, throwing popcorn and other snacks at each other, and just being loud in general. Jean sat numb. His ears rang louder than the noise around him. He blinked and they were gone. The TV was off, the evening sun cast long shadows across the room, and beside him sat Jeremy.

"Let’s go," Jeremy said, quiet. And Jean went. Unconsciously, body on autopilot. It was a simple task that he could follow without much thought because everything else was suddenly too much. He blinked again and he was in his dorm room, alone, in the dark.

His phone buzzed with a text from an unknown number _. 'Riko is dead.'_ was all it said.

In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t really mean much since he wasn't Riko's property; he was the Moriyama's. The knowledge of Riko’s passing didn’t make the tight sensation in his chest lessen any. It slowly choked the air from his lungs.

He texted Renee and her reply was lightening quick.

_‘Find Jeremy.’_

Another task. 

Jean knocked on Jeremy's door. "I can't be alone right now," he simply said. It's hard but he did it. He didn’t know what he would do by himself, but being alone was more terrifying than the ugly voice inside his head telling him that he was showing weakness and will be punished for it later. Something loosened inside Jean when Jeremy didn’t ask. He just opened his door wider and ushered Jean inside.

He was lying on the bed next to Jeremy, a respectful distance away because Jeremy was too nice to let Jean to take the floor and Jean was too numb to argue otherwise. The curtains billowed as a light breeze filled them with air, bringing in the cool night. Jean listened Jeremy’s soft even breaths as the moonlight shifted around the shadows of the curtains. A little seed that was dormant and starved since the moment he stepped into the Nest, was found by a woman with hair as smooth as water and nourished by a man made of sunshine finally sprouted and took root deep in his chest clearing the smog that was blocking his airways. Jean filled his lungs with the crisp California night air and breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	8. Neil Josten is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic Fluff. That's all it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you write stuff at 2am right before falling asleep and it turns out alright when you read it in the morning.  
> I can't believe it's been a year since I've read these books. Dang.

Neil placed the key fob over the sensor. There was a beep and a little flash of light. Neil turned the lock and opened the door and quickly shut it behind him in time for King to run into his legs in his attempt to escape. The evening sun streaming through the living room windows glinted off Sir’s eyes from his perch on the entryway table. Neil set his keys in the decorative bowl Renee gifted them as a house warming present and gave Sir a scratch behind the ears before continuing into the apartment. A little thump and a soft meow signaled the cats following. With little thought, Neil's duffle bag slid from his shoulder to land in front of the laundry closet on his way through the short hallway leading to the living room. He veered left to enter the open kitchen. 

He opened the fridge and basked in the cool air for a few moments. The fridge was covered in photographs from throughout the years. Mostly foxes, a few from his professional career, and a growing collection of children.

Neil grabbed an energy drink. It was a cardio day at practice and he was still recovering the water he loss from sweat. He chugged half the bottle and put it back in the fridge.

The lack of dishes by the sink had Neil opening the freezer and pulling out a frozen lasagna. He turned on the oven and walked into the living room to wait. The doors to the apartment’s balcony were cracked open to let the cool fall breeze in. The curtains, a gift from Allison after her first visit when she saw the sorry state of the apartment, fluttered in the wind. Warm sunlight highlighted the dust particles and cat dander in the air as they swirled around the room. 

On the couch King and Sir had curled up next to Andrew's supine position. His face was slack with sleep. A book rested open on his chest and moved with each breath. His glasses lay crooked on his nose. Neil smiled and went back to the kitchen to put the lasagna in the oven.

Back in the living room, Neil sat down on the rocking chair, a present from Dan and Matt from last Christmas. He pulled out his phone and began replying to the various messages he'd gotten throughout the day. Sir untangled himself from King and Andrew and plopped in Neil's lap. Neil obliged his request for attention and absently rubbed his head.

The timer went off. Neil noticed Andrew’s slight twitch and the slight crease in his brows he got right before he woke up. Neil set Sir on the ground and got up to take the lasagna out to cool. From a cupboard he grabbed a cutting board and a serrated knife to cut the day old bread from the bakery down the street. Neil didn’t jump when Andrew hooked his chin on his shoulder.

"Have a good nap?"

"I shouldn't have fallen asleep."  

“Here,” Neil said and handed Andrew the knife so he could get the butter spread and salad.

They sat on bar stools at the kitchen’s counter. The stools were given to them by Kevin when he got tired of eating on the couch whenever he came to visit.   
“You’re doing it again,” Andrew said, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Doing what?” Neil grinned around his last mouthful of bread before standing to clear the dishes. 

Andrew didn’t answer as he got up to put the leftovers away. Neil’s grin widened.

In the living room Neil turned on the television and settled on the couch leaning on the arm rest with his feet on the center cushion. Andrew wandered in after feeding the cats and sat on the opposite end mirroring Neil’s position and tangling their legs together. He picked up his book and resumed reading.

Neil flicked through a few channels before settling on the news. He was half dozing, half watching when he got a video call from Kevin. Neil shifted over to Andrew’s side so that they could both see Neil’s phone screen. It was Kevin’s daughter and she wanted to show them the medal she got from her school’s athletics day. After the call ended with Kevin telling his daughter to get ready for bed, Neil went back to watching the news and Andrew went back to reading.

A light nudge woke Neil. Andrew looked down at him. “The whole right side of my body is numb. Go to bed already.”

Neil checked the cat shaped clock on the wall, a present from Nicky because he thought it was funny. It was well past midnight and he had an early practice the next morning.

"Fine, I'm turning in," Neil said and untangled himself from Andrew on the couch, his hand lingered on his shoulder. The only acknowledgment was a turn of the head and eye contact. "Night."

Neil climbed onto his side of the bed. It was the side not pushed up against the wall. He fell asleep and woke an indeterminate time later when the bed dipped. Neil shifted to accommodate as Andrew settled in. Neil relaxed and drifted back to sleep.

Neil Josten was doing fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was Neil doing again? He was staring at Andrew.  
> Thank you for reading.


	9. bear with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time Travel/Immortality AU idea that never went anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this entire thing mostly thought out but I've been sitting on it for about a year and no progress. So it's officially scrapped. I may post other snippets here in the future.
> 
> If you want some completed time travel AU's check out [flybbfly](http://archiveofourown.org/users/flybbfly/pseuds/flybbfly)'s [just a slow body](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11784093/chapters/26572881) or [Saul](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Saul/pseuds/Saul)'s [Latchkey Child](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7086229/chapters/16105846).

The first time Andrew met the man he would come to know as Neil Abram Josten, it was the year 13 B.I. (before immortality). Which made him the ripe age of seven in mortal years. He’s had a lot of time to think about it and he’s decided that his life span officially started and ended when he fell into that lake. (Neil has told him at various points in his life that that’s not how the calendar system worked. LIke Andrew cared.)

He also came to the conclusion that finding Neil on that hill was the kick start to all the weird shit that’d happen to him in his stupidly long life. Of course it would all start with him and of course it would all end with him too, but that’s not for another couple thousand years.

Anyway he was seven and doing some chores for the chief that involved climbing some god awful hill not once, not twice, not even three times, but as many times as it would take to collect enough cherries to feed the entire village which Andrew could tell you reached a number way over ten. It was somewhere between trip number seven and eight when Andrew noticed the man. Well, it was a little hard to miss the beat up and bloody man in strange clothing sitting by one of the only cherry trees that was short enough to be reached comfortably.

“Who are you?”

The man lifted his head, his eyes were the color of a cloudless sky in the middle of the day. And of all things, he smiled and laughed with blood in his teeth. Andrew waited. The man quieted before finally speaking. Instinctively, Andrew knew he was forming words in some structured way but nothing registered as understandable.

There must have been something on his face because the man said something else. It sounded different but just as unknown. He did it two more times before: “I’m Neil. How old are you Andrew?”


	10. new year, new neil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little thing i wrote around new years.

He didn’t mean for the crowd to get to him.

It was the start of a new year. Just another day. The beginning of a new Gregorian calendar. But maybe that was it. A new beginning. New possibilities.  
Or maybe he hung around Nicky too much.

The previous year. Well, that wasn’t a very good year.

The year before that one, was the first one he welcomed without his mother.

The year and the previous five before that one, they were always too busy running, the television switched off before any sort of ball drop, a car among the hundreds of others driving down the roads, blending into crowds, moving.

And even before that, new years were spent at home in bed, or at the odd business party where children should be seen and never heard.

This year though. This was a first. He was with his foxes. It was the last night in New York before heading back to North Carolina for scheduled practice. They were bundled in hats and scarves to block out the cold. Somewhere along the way they were given earplugs which seemed ridiculous when they received them but came in clutch as everyone screamed around them as the timer counted down.

Ten: Goosebumps formed on Neil’s arms and he shivered despite his layers.

Nine: His ears rang, almost completely drowning out the counting.

Eight: Every breath was shallow.

Seven: It wasn’t panic. No, that was different.

Six: Instead of the cold feeling of fear and dread, his chest filled with warmth.

Five: His foxes surrounded him.

Four: This was the first year that was his.

Three: Neil felt a squeeze on his hand. He looked down and followed the arm up to Andrew. Neil smiled. His eyes burned.

Two: Andrew wasn’t one for public shows of affection, but he pulled Neil down anyway.

One: His chest was filled with love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do i like numbers so much?  
> Currently working on a short fic were they're pros. idk if i'll post it in inhale or if i'll make it its own fic...  
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
